i swear to you
every time i swallow something i know i shouldn't
every time i ingest a morsel of food with no nutrition
with more fat than that of a whale
with more sugar and salt than those chubby babies with poor mothers down the street
i can feel my thighs stretch
my stomach bloat
my butt grow
my chin lengthen
it's a horrid feeling

it's night like these when i don't ever want to go to sleep
i'll wake up in the morning
tired
stupid
wishing i would have gone to sleep earlier
wishing that i didn't eat before i go to bed
i hate that feeling
but it will happen
i'll go into the kitchen
eat
go to sleep
sleep for a few hours
wake up
hate myself
repeat
repeat
repeat